Difficult Decisions

Lately I have been almost paralyzed by choices. It seems like every decision I make, I risk losing another, different opportunity. To preserve all opportunities I say yes to everything. To too many things. I pay the price with stress and anxiety because I am not able to get everything done. And the inability to even know where to begin getting things done has developed into a nasty case of I'd rather be reading sci-fi fantasy novels. Really, I just want to escape. It is not good.

So: today I faced down some intense anxiety and forced myself to do something I didn't think I wanted to do. That I was afraid to do. Negativity struck and all I could think was that I wasn't any good at this. [Basically, this was an intense job interview with presentations and exercises to see how I multi-task.]

I called my Dad. He told me I had to do it.

I called Adam. He told me he'd still love me if I didn't do it. (I asked just that question and he said yes of course.)

And then I remembered the quote by Eleanor Roosevelt that I first heard from my cousin Curtis, actually as I debated over going to a party where Adam was before we got together. And it is:
"Do one thing every day that scares you."
She also said,
"You must do the thing you think you cannot do."

And then it all came together for me. I have been drawn to the challenge of this job. Knowing it is not perhaps what I am cut out for, but attracted to it all the same. I hate being told I can't do something.

So I went for it. And I am so happy I did.