Self-defining Moments

I was talking to another mom today (yesterday?) about the moments in our lives when we really felt we were radiantly connected to our true selves. For her, it was a moment when she had let go of a long battle with illness and had an epiphany moment that she was no longer a sick person. I wish I could do her story justice here, but suffice to say when she told it I literally got chills that sent goosebumps down my arms.

For me, I've had a few of these self-defining moments. One of them was after completion of my big rooftop scene in Beat Angel. At that point in time I really truly felt that I was going to be an actress. Other times are not so easy to describe, but they are moments where you just feel connected. I also felt this way while living in San Juan, Puerto Rico. I felt it in a different way when I met Adam and knew he was the man for me.

The problem is, we also drift away from ourselves. How does this drift occur? Where do we go? And why? And damn it, can I get myself back?

And then I half-remembered a quote from long ago. That the moon is still the moon when dark as when full. I just have to wait a few revolutions is all. And that made me feel better.


  1. I think unfortunately for me I usually feel radically connected most at times I hit bottom.

    Like the realization that this is what has happened, how did it happen, and do I have the will to get out of it?

    And if I get out, do I forget, or does it define me forever?

  2. Hear hear. I can see what you are saying. Most of my good times are after I've given up and let go.

    Given up in the Buddhist sense (not that I am very good at it or anything) of letting go of desires as the root of all suffering. Interesting.

  3. I sometimes play the "worst that can happen" game. (I don't go some places....just too disturbing)

    But, say, Bill finds another woman he loves more. He leaves. I get screwed in the divorce and am penniless, or struggling.

    What do I feel like that day? The next day? Next year?

    I can usually find the lesson that I THINK I would learn...and occasionally, I have a perverse desire for something to test me. (Again, not anything with my children, as I believe I'd fail that test and die.)

    Too bad I can't just live the lesson without the disaster. Maybe that'll be my new year's res.


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