I can't get over how cute she is.
I had a nightmare last night that a fairly ugly doctor named Dr. Egwe killed June in the hospital. Then it turned out that he was actually a shape shifter and he had simply temporarily squished the life out of her so that he could steal her. A good bit of the dream I was simply shouting in hysterics, "June's dead!" Over and over. I think if something bad happened in real life to June I'd be one of those moms that they'd have to give a sedative shot to so she could settle down. One of the worst parts of the dream was that June drowned in a bath at the hospital, and Dr. Egwe squeezed the air/water out of her and as he did so on the exhalation she said "Hi, Mom" though her eyes bulged out and she was limp and doll-like. Haunting and awful and I probably shouldn't even share such terrible stuff.
I hope the photograph balances it out.
The death of a child is unfathomable. So you dream it, to expunge (is that the right word) it.
ReplyDeleteWhen June starts driving, or goes off to college--you will be more ready, that's true--but the lack of control and the knowlege of that will age you.
It makes you realize their mortality, and yours. I told someone the other day that I was driving and this morbid thought came to mind, "The BEST case scenario is that I die before the girls. And that THEY die before their kids, etc...."
So even the best case scenario has everyone dying. Sigh.
I was reading and reading along and then, laughed out loud. I like that.
ReplyDeleteI've heard that some moms can't relax until they have at least two kids. I can relate with that feeling. I can't imagine life without her anymore and I hope I never have to.
I felt the same! The heir and the spare, although I couldn't spare any of them.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if it's biology that makes us want to have more than one so badly?
I thought that if I had only one and she (god forbid, pooh-pooh) died, I would commit suicide without another to make me keep going.
Maybe that's really selfish. But maybe it is just a biological imperative that is so ingrained we can't even see.